Its all been said before, it is a question that echoes through the minds of nearly every girl out there. The media floods girls with the notion that in order for life to be complete, they must have found their prince charming who is dashing, intelligent, caring and blah blah blah. That is so not reality. And it is time that we all realized that prince charming does not exist. The guys that get the closest are still acting like frogs and the ones we trick ourselves into thinking we want are, and will always be, dogs. Maybe this is pessimistic and overly harsh. I do not care. It has been my experience at least that one must be extremely careful around males. They generally are not motivated by their mind or emotions which makes them in direct conflict with how girls are motivated in relationships. Guys give "love" to get sex, girls give sex to get love. The only ones being truly cheated in this scenario are the girls. Cause obviously those guys will take, take, and take but never actually give true love to the girls that they are destroying emotionally. Yet the saddest part of all besides that girls let this happen to themselves regularly, is that at this point in my life I really do feel like there is something missing, and that something is a someone. One of those very same someones that have already hurt me or constantly evade me.
Everytime I get onto facebook I see new wedding albums which is not so sweet as I once thought. A couple years ago I loved the idea of weddings with brides dressed in white with their doting groom awaiting them at the altar. One of my guilty pleasures is picking up a Martha Stewart wedding magazine. (The cakes are so awesome!) Nowadays I wonder if I will ever even get married. Plenty of people have told me that I am the type of person to get married and not a person to be single all their lives. I am seriously thinking that they might have something wrong with them...or maybe it is just me.
I tend to come on strongly, too strongly, and guys run the other direction. Most guys can just not handle the sarcasm and my sense of humor. But I should not have to change who I am for a guy to fall for me, yet right now it feels like that is exactly what I should do. Its not that I am desperate to walk down the aisle or anything - I'm still in college for goodness sake. What i am desperate for is love. Real, true, unconditional, pure and beautiful love. I crave for someone to desire me as much as I desire them. I need the companionship of someone who I can actually trust and know that he is not just going to abandon me. Someone who will hold me close in their arms, whispering simple nothings in my ear. Cliche and mushy I know. But it is still one of my greatest desires. Just to know that someone loves me, thinks I am beautiful inside and out and wants to b with me until death do us part - what a dream, an ectasy that I want fulfilled in my life. Does true love have to be a dream that constantly escapes my grasp in reality? Must I content myself to watching others in their bliss? I am not one to cry easily, but the thought that this is all I might have to look forward to tugs at my heart and chokes me up to the point that I would cry if I did not have a meeting in five minutes and no one was around to see my pathetic weakness. If I cannot have the missing piece in my life then I refuse to appear the broken person that I feel like inside.
I am convicted that everything that I need in a man, God provides for me and is willing to give to me if only I will accept it. Too bad I tend to cower in a corner like a child not wanting what is offered to me but something else. God has His perfect timing for me and my future, its just I need to trust in that and quit fretting over what I cannot change. I challenge myself to trust in God and pray to Him for my (hopeful) future husband. My discontentment with my single status in life and jealousy towards the girls who have those seemingly perfect guys must stop. I am determined to be patient no matter how much it seems to hurt, how lonely I might feel or how hopeless the wait could appear. I only pray that God will quench my insatiable thirst for love with His agape love until His time for the right man to walk into my life and the bells finally ring for me.
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hey. this post really struck me because i feel the EXACT same way, i just never knew how to express it. you penned it beautifully though! and one part of it (i won't tell you which) really hit a nerve and made me think about some things that have been going on in my life, and how there's a limit to how naively optimistic a person can be before they have to stop and face reality...anyways, i just wanted to say i loved it! thanks for actually being a thought-provoking blogger and not one of those people who write about taking their dog for a walk or how they tried out a new type of breakfast cereal or something lol.
ps. yayyy wedding magazines!
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